That was me last year in a study with some other precious ladies from Hilldale.
Warning: I am going to be a bit vulnerable with you all, so please extend grace and mercy!
At any rate, this sweet group of ladies and I are doing the book study "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World". A wonderful study. And one that did poke at me in a couple of uncomfortable places.
But this particular day, I'm zooming through the material...yeah, I'm good with that, got this...got that answer...This portion of the study was speaking to John 13 when Jesus washed the disciples' feet. "In what unexpected ways" the book says "could we 'wash the feet' of those around us?" Well, we could take on any servant task, no matter how menial (just as Jesus did when He took on a task that no Hebrew, not even a Hebrew servant would do), just knowing that I am meeting a need.
Breezing through this chapter of the study...
Then the next question turns to the chapter in the Bible that seems most appropriate for us this week: the "LOVE CHAPTER", 1 Corinthians 13. Let's hone in on verses 4-7.
Try to read it with fresh eyes...
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."
The next exercise in the study asks the reader to consider the qualities of love found in the passage:
- patient
- kind
- not jealous
- not boastful
- not proud
- not rude
- not self-seeking (demand its own way)
- not irritable (easily angered)
- keeps no record of being wronged
- does not rejoice about injustice
- rejoices when the truth wins
- never gives up
- never loses faith
- always hopes
- always endures
But as I read through the list, I only made it halfway through before conviction slammed into me out of no where, I tell ya.
- keeps no record of being wronged
I will say that this is not something I struggle with in general...except...
I have always had a challenging relationship with my mother-in-law. And she has done some pretty spiteful, hateful, and just plain mean things that have made it clear that she doesn't like me.
And I keep every one of those things tick marked in my heart.
Don't I have a right to? I mean, she wronged me! She had no right, no cause...I have not done anything to warrant such treatment...
BUT GOD...
He has forgiven me. A million times over. And He keeps no record of my wrongs. Though He is well within His rights to do so. (PRAISE GOD!)
He also teaches that I must forgive and love her for my own good.
See, He knows what a seed of bitterness would do in my heart. Or in yours.
So, He tells me to keep no record of wrongs against those He has called me to love. Even more, He tells me that "love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8).
The next exercise in the study was to "list the key relationships in your life and write the qualities you would like to work on in order to be more loving toward each person". I wrote my mother-in-law's name and asked God for patience, kindness, endurance, the ability to always hope, to not be easily angered, and that I would let go of that record and keep it no more.
I will not say that it has been easy, but it has been good. And I am better for it. Has she changed? That does not matter. God has softened my heart toward her. And it's about His work in me.
Does this resonate with anyone else? Anyone have a difficult relationship in their life they need to talk to God about? Someone you have challenges loving? This Valentines Day, let's celebrate the people we love, but pray that God would work in our hearts over those who are difficult to love.
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